ELEANORE - Rowan Aberyswyth

In darkened twilit window
I search the midnight sky
For answers to my torments
Of love & ways to fly
The star-lights twinkle brightly
But yield no insights deep
Must I turn to the Ladymoon
Who keeps me from my sleep?
I cannot see the brightness
Of the clouds beside the moon
& I watch the drifting circles
Of the ocean by my room
As it foams & swirls freely
Without a keeper by
While I sit, high & mighty,
In my tower in the sky
I could be sleeping deeply
Under sun & moon & stars
But instead I choose to wait here
With the turning of the hours
As I ponder quiet questions
To which no answer lies
& wait & watch in silence
For something deep inside
My tears of anguished sorrow
May never fall again
I fear that I have finally learned
Of this, my bitter end
For my heart, it lays a-dying
In the cage which holds it in
& the one to whom I gave it
Knows so little of my sin
Of wanting my own husband
& of hating my own blood
For all that she has done to me
I drown inside her flood
Heartbreak, tears, forgiveness
Solace to which I flee
When the man I love so deeply
Will never love me.

He wakes & stands behind me
Warm hand upon my arm
He soothes me with embraces
& believes me safe from harm
The pain which I inflict myself
To keep my heart alive
For without endless promises
It would surely die
& the longing for my husband
To love me for myself
Is all that keeps me floating
A few breaths from this hell
So I quietly lay beside him
As he returns to his dreams
& I hear my fading nightmares
Come bursting through the seams
Through the prison I inhabit
My darkness always creeps
So, in midnight hours, so weary
I return to empty sleep.